One of the professors in my creative writing mfa program talks about “pre-writing” all the time, aka basically the majority of the time when you’re not writing but you’re thinking about your characters, the plot, what they’re going to do next, etc. etc. He says it’s arguably more important than the time you spend actually putting pen to paper, because it’s the pre-writing, or the thinking, that guides your writing sessions. It’s been really helpful for me to think about writing this way, and my characters are just sort of living in the back of my mind at all times. The world is coming to life inside me and thinking about it and trying to keep it simmering back there has made it so much easier to tap into. When I sit down to write, the characters and scenes are right there, ready to keep moving alongside my pen.
I think they call that developing a ~creative process~ or something. Anyway, keep it up and I can’t wait to read the finished product someday!!
Yes, love this!! I've heard variations of this idea and have always felt sort of insecure in my ability to practice it. I'm not the type that thinks about plot in the shower or before bed. But I think something must be happening subconsciously, working in the background just on its own. I love how you said "the world is coming to life inside me." That's such a magical way of putting it <3 Thanks so much for the encouragement and right back at you!!
this really struck something in me. i’m definitely a bit young to think about motherhood right now, but i’ve always known i’d find joy in it. framing writing/creation as something akin to motherhood is so empowering to me and i’ve never thought about it that way before—so thank you!
i love that you went to a psychic and carry her words with you. be all about it is such a punchy turn of phrase i’ll definitely be stealing to use in my everyday life.
any sort of creative endeavor, but especially writing, is so personal. it’s part of you and made up of your blood, sweat, tears, and experiences. your writing is so very *you*, but it’s also free to be interpreted in endless possible ways once you release it into the world. it really is like a child in that way. i’ll carry this metaphor with me going forward, thank you so much for sharing it.
Thank you so much, Grace!! It's really been an empowering reframe for me, too. Maybe that's just because it gives us permission to care deeply about our work and put it before other things without feeling shame or embarrassment. I'm so glad it resonated with you <3 and yes, steal "be all about it"!! And only go to a psychic if you're really ready to know what's to come lolllll. Thanks so much for reading!!
me? about to overshare in your substack comments again? likely place......
recently (after five full years of agreeing to be child-free and discussing sterilization options on both ends) my partner came to me and was like...i would like to have a child! and then he left for a business trip and i spent the subsequent twelve hours choke-sobbing on our couch (**** if you're reading this bc you just made a substack to subscribe to mine -- lol, sorry, see above re: the oversharing) because i simply. CAN'T. birth a child. but i can birth a novel. for years i've found solace in that! everything i write is like a little baby to me, and i love to change them and edit them and watch them grow. is it that control that makes the creation of art the most tenable form of motherhood to me? i think i would be too controlling as a mother, much like mine before me. instead i can have my work, and it will be enough; it will have come from me.
i love your substack because you push me to think deeper about my life. you give so wholly of yourself -- your kindness, your grace, your intelligence. i take so much inspiration from you every week, both in my life and in my writing. imagine being adored! and then feel it -- it's coming from over here <3
Oh rachel! Thank you for feeling safe enough to share this here. This is so hard. I recently read Exhibit by RO Kwon that, in its moody, artful way, touches on the experience of agreeing to be childfree with your partner until they change their mind. I'd guess that possibility must always feel like it's hanging over the couple's head, even after the agreement is made. It's so interesting how sometimes we get older and find we have a different stance on some major thing and sometimes we don't. How can we predict what we will or won't feel differently about in a few years? All of that to say, I wonder if it will change for you, too. Maybe it totally won't. Maybe it'll change back for your partner, idk. But--and I don't know the full extent of your thoughts on this, so maybe I'm misinterpreting--I do think that if the REASON for your no is a fear-based thought that you wouldn't be a good mother...i think that one could be slowly shed to see what's underneath. Because of course you would be a good mother. You wouldn't be perfect, but none of us will be! That's already been part of my pre-mother journey: accepting that I will (hopefully not too badly) fuck my kid up a little. I say accept-ING because it is a present moment journey lol (sorry i keep saying journey). I think the idea that our art is something we can birth and still kind of control is honestly an illusion too. We can control the words on the page, but not the way it is received or the life it lives once it gets in someone else's hands. That being said, birthing the work might totally be "enough," regardless of the control we have. Because there really is something special about seeing the work as our baby. It changes the relationship to one of tenderness and pride. I wouldn't talk about my baby like, "Ugh, but she probably kind of sucks" lol. All this to say, whatever babies are in your future, art or human, are so lucky to have you as their mommy. You're too sweet with the last paragraph. Legitimately felt my heart warm. Thank you Rachel <3
In astrology, the 5th house represents both artistic creation/creativity and children. It shows that for millennia (over exaggeration? I’m bad at numbers) people have associated their artwork with children. You soccer mom the crap out of that novel, girl!!
Omg love this!! Millenia!! I just looked in my Chani app and saw I have no planets in my 5th house HAHA had to frantically google to make sure this wasn't another sign that I am indeed barren. I'm gonna give my novel some fruit snacks and a capri sun today!! <3
Thank you! I loved reading this! I’m beyond flattered to see that you’ve included the comment I wrote to you about creation as an act of love. Seeing the quote here means the world to me and it lights up my day. There are so many lines you wrote that had me smiling and nodding in recognition. The mention of the heroic betty white doing a reality show made me laugh. She’s such a treasure imo. I agree with you that to be all about something is a powerful sentiment, and it can feel like delicate line to navigate. (I can definitely relate to the all or nothing way of being, seeking a sense of balance, and the tendency to be all in.) Your honest description of the intuitive, otherworldly nature of the creative process was so lucid and felt familiar to me as an artist. When you have your child, they’ll be a lucky to have a mom like you, because you sound like you have a kind nature and a tender heart full of love. I hope to read your novel someday, because your writing is phenomenal. Today was my little sister’s birthday, and finding this new post when I came home felt like a gift. I’m grateful to have found your substack collection full of intelligent, funny, self aware, and kind hearted writing. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.
I’m back in your comments to say once again: I think about this A LOT and I’m so glad you articulated it. I feel bonded for life with anything I create and I think that’s what gives me writers block. Like do I really want to go through another insane intense tumultuous relationship that will probably break my heart??? (Yes) anyway, I can’t wait to read your baby.
I just can’t wait until your baby (s) is old enough to read all of these brilliant pieces of work. ❤️👏🏻
That is so sweet Sue, thank you!! <3 <3
35K words !!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGE
You’re the best cheerleader 💗💗
One of the professors in my creative writing mfa program talks about “pre-writing” all the time, aka basically the majority of the time when you’re not writing but you’re thinking about your characters, the plot, what they’re going to do next, etc. etc. He says it’s arguably more important than the time you spend actually putting pen to paper, because it’s the pre-writing, or the thinking, that guides your writing sessions. It’s been really helpful for me to think about writing this way, and my characters are just sort of living in the back of my mind at all times. The world is coming to life inside me and thinking about it and trying to keep it simmering back there has made it so much easier to tap into. When I sit down to write, the characters and scenes are right there, ready to keep moving alongside my pen.
I think they call that developing a ~creative process~ or something. Anyway, keep it up and I can’t wait to read the finished product someday!!
Yes, love this!! I've heard variations of this idea and have always felt sort of insecure in my ability to practice it. I'm not the type that thinks about plot in the shower or before bed. But I think something must be happening subconsciously, working in the background just on its own. I love how you said "the world is coming to life inside me." That's such a magical way of putting it <3 Thanks so much for the encouragement and right back at you!!
enjoyed this! as you’ll see from all my restacks 🖤
:') thank you so so much!
this really struck something in me. i’m definitely a bit young to think about motherhood right now, but i’ve always known i’d find joy in it. framing writing/creation as something akin to motherhood is so empowering to me and i’ve never thought about it that way before—so thank you!
i love that you went to a psychic and carry her words with you. be all about it is such a punchy turn of phrase i’ll definitely be stealing to use in my everyday life.
any sort of creative endeavor, but especially writing, is so personal. it’s part of you and made up of your blood, sweat, tears, and experiences. your writing is so very *you*, but it’s also free to be interpreted in endless possible ways once you release it into the world. it really is like a child in that way. i’ll carry this metaphor with me going forward, thank you so much for sharing it.
Thank you so much, Grace!! It's really been an empowering reframe for me, too. Maybe that's just because it gives us permission to care deeply about our work and put it before other things without feeling shame or embarrassment. I'm so glad it resonated with you <3 and yes, steal "be all about it"!! And only go to a psychic if you're really ready to know what's to come lolllll. Thanks so much for reading!!
me? about to overshare in your substack comments again? likely place......
recently (after five full years of agreeing to be child-free and discussing sterilization options on both ends) my partner came to me and was like...i would like to have a child! and then he left for a business trip and i spent the subsequent twelve hours choke-sobbing on our couch (**** if you're reading this bc you just made a substack to subscribe to mine -- lol, sorry, see above re: the oversharing) because i simply. CAN'T. birth a child. but i can birth a novel. for years i've found solace in that! everything i write is like a little baby to me, and i love to change them and edit them and watch them grow. is it that control that makes the creation of art the most tenable form of motherhood to me? i think i would be too controlling as a mother, much like mine before me. instead i can have my work, and it will be enough; it will have come from me.
i love your substack because you push me to think deeper about my life. you give so wholly of yourself -- your kindness, your grace, your intelligence. i take so much inspiration from you every week, both in my life and in my writing. imagine being adored! and then feel it -- it's coming from over here <3
Oh rachel! Thank you for feeling safe enough to share this here. This is so hard. I recently read Exhibit by RO Kwon that, in its moody, artful way, touches on the experience of agreeing to be childfree with your partner until they change their mind. I'd guess that possibility must always feel like it's hanging over the couple's head, even after the agreement is made. It's so interesting how sometimes we get older and find we have a different stance on some major thing and sometimes we don't. How can we predict what we will or won't feel differently about in a few years? All of that to say, I wonder if it will change for you, too. Maybe it totally won't. Maybe it'll change back for your partner, idk. But--and I don't know the full extent of your thoughts on this, so maybe I'm misinterpreting--I do think that if the REASON for your no is a fear-based thought that you wouldn't be a good mother...i think that one could be slowly shed to see what's underneath. Because of course you would be a good mother. You wouldn't be perfect, but none of us will be! That's already been part of my pre-mother journey: accepting that I will (hopefully not too badly) fuck my kid up a little. I say accept-ING because it is a present moment journey lol (sorry i keep saying journey). I think the idea that our art is something we can birth and still kind of control is honestly an illusion too. We can control the words on the page, but not the way it is received or the life it lives once it gets in someone else's hands. That being said, birthing the work might totally be "enough," regardless of the control we have. Because there really is something special about seeing the work as our baby. It changes the relationship to one of tenderness and pride. I wouldn't talk about my baby like, "Ugh, but she probably kind of sucks" lol. All this to say, whatever babies are in your future, art or human, are so lucky to have you as their mommy. You're too sweet with the last paragraph. Legitimately felt my heart warm. Thank you Rachel <3
In astrology, the 5th house represents both artistic creation/creativity and children. It shows that for millennia (over exaggeration? I’m bad at numbers) people have associated their artwork with children. You soccer mom the crap out of that novel, girl!!
Omg love this!! Millenia!! I just looked in my Chani app and saw I have no planets in my 5th house HAHA had to frantically google to make sure this wasn't another sign that I am indeed barren. I'm gonna give my novel some fruit snacks and a capri sun today!! <3
Thank you! I loved reading this! I’m beyond flattered to see that you’ve included the comment I wrote to you about creation as an act of love. Seeing the quote here means the world to me and it lights up my day. There are so many lines you wrote that had me smiling and nodding in recognition. The mention of the heroic betty white doing a reality show made me laugh. She’s such a treasure imo. I agree with you that to be all about something is a powerful sentiment, and it can feel like delicate line to navigate. (I can definitely relate to the all or nothing way of being, seeking a sense of balance, and the tendency to be all in.) Your honest description of the intuitive, otherworldly nature of the creative process was so lucid and felt familiar to me as an artist. When you have your child, they’ll be a lucky to have a mom like you, because you sound like you have a kind nature and a tender heart full of love. I hope to read your novel someday, because your writing is phenomenal. Today was my little sister’s birthday, and finding this new post when I came home felt like a gift. I’m grateful to have found your substack collection full of intelligent, funny, self aware, and kind hearted writing. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.
Thank you for inspiring me!! <3 this is such a sweet comment. Thank you. I really really appreciate it. You've given me a gift right back <33
I’m back in your comments to say once again: I think about this A LOT and I’m so glad you articulated it. I feel bonded for life with anything I create and I think that’s what gives me writers block. Like do I really want to go through another insane intense tumultuous relationship that will probably break my heart??? (Yes) anyway, I can’t wait to read your baby.