thank you so much for reading <3 it's such a heavy way to live, and especially sad bc it's so unjustified. like of course we are allowed to take up space, of course we deserve that just as much as anyone else. sending you lots of love, Alice <3
absolutely, Tania <3 I've heard people get really mad and say "writing isn't therapy" lol and i'm always like...ok first of all relax and second, no, it isn't, but I do think it can heal some of those deep wounds better than even therapy can for some of us. it empowers us and gives us insight. that's therapeutic! thank you for reading, i'm sending you love <3
So relatable. Guilt really is hell. I was raised southern baptist, not catholic, but same shit. Deeply engrained with “you ought to do this, ought not to do that.” So many oughts. At this stage of life, I am truly envious of selfish people who at least seem to give less fucks. I want to still be good and also have the freedom to be my unapologetic self. I like the idea of turning sorrys into thank yous. Thanks!
Same here. Oh to know my passions fully and to follow them and to fit in the world when I can. But no, I get anxiety when I've taken "too long" to respond to a text message.
And that I can say was great. I understand it. I get it. I understand your words more than I realize. Thank you for saying the same thing I would like to. You are more in tune than we realize, which can be nice because others who know this should respond and let you know you are not alone. You aren't. You are valued. Thank you.
We are all different in may ways. Which is good. Yet we feel so alone at being so different, that we find out, we are more alike than we realize. Which should help us get through things as a team, friends, or family.
Related to this so much -- especially "My brain gets confused about what values are mine and which were bestowed upon me." When I'm feeling guilty it can be so hard to get to the root of why I'm feeling that way. Did I do something that actually conflicts with my values, or just an arbitrary rule I've created for myself? Is it something that someone has told me I need to care about, and do I even believe that I need to care about that thing? Most of my guilt stems from the feeling that I'm not doing enough, which can feel like a never ending black hole at times.
god yes this is so it. "Is it something that someone has told me I need to care about, and do I even believe that I need to care about that thing?" - that's so real and if I really sat with that honestly and like ACTUALLY examined it, I feel like i might find some things that scare me! whichhhh probably means i should do it. Thank you for the inspiration, bella. I don't know you but I am pretty sure you are doing just enough <3 black hole be damned! sending love!!
I too try to say thank you instead of sorry. Can’t wait to read A Sharp Endless Need. I had the extreme pleasure of being in Mac’s Tin House cohort. Check out @aliciavbooks on Insta for more great queer recs!
thank you so much for the rec!! omg I started today and it's love at first 30 pages--and that's coming from someone who does not care about basketball at all, lol. Jealous you got to work with them!!
Wow this resonated so much. I also seem to constantly experience a low-level simmering of guilt. The best coping strategy I've developed is to sort of go through a checklist in my mind and reassure myself about each item. e.g. Nothing to feel guilty with related to my friends, nothing to feel guilty with related to my job, etc. etc. Sometimes I realize I'm feeling guilt for no reason, and other times I'll identify what's causing the emotion and can either solve it or try to get myself to realize it's not something I should feel guilt about. I was raised Catholic too, but I've always thought there's got to be more to it than that. I wish I could identify where it came from bc it's freaking exhausting!
omg yes! your approach is so charmingly logical lol. You're onto something tho because I think the way out is usually to notice it, then pause and be present with it--either logically challenging it or getting curious about the emotion and riding the wave. But that requires the pause, the presence. And that's what's difficult for me to apply sometimes, probably because, as you say, it is exhausting. Sending love, Caroline, ty for sharing <3
Gods… this is so accurate. Sometimes I feel guilty for being, for just taking space in this world. Beautifully written!
thank you so much for reading <3 it's such a heavy way to live, and especially sad bc it's so unjustified. like of course we are allowed to take up space, of course we deserve that just as much as anyone else. sending you lots of love, Alice <3
I identify with this so much and I get it. So many little moments of guilt all add up and being able to write our truth is like therapy in a way.
absolutely, Tania <3 I've heard people get really mad and say "writing isn't therapy" lol and i'm always like...ok first of all relax and second, no, it isn't, but I do think it can heal some of those deep wounds better than even therapy can for some of us. it empowers us and gives us insight. that's therapeutic! thank you for reading, i'm sending you love <3
Catching up on my LPB stacks… thank you for reading and the shout out!
I only rec what I love!! Really fun piece. Thank YOU for reading!!
So relatable. Guilt really is hell. I was raised southern baptist, not catholic, but same shit. Deeply engrained with “you ought to do this, ought not to do that.” So many oughts. At this stage of life, I am truly envious of selfish people who at least seem to give less fucks. I want to still be good and also have the freedom to be my unapologetic self. I like the idea of turning sorrys into thank yous. Thanks!
omg right?? I think the people I judged most in my younger years are now the people I'm most envious of. Their freedom!
Same here. Oh to know my passions fully and to follow them and to fit in the world when I can. But no, I get anxiety when I've taken "too long" to respond to a text message.
And that I can say was great. I understand it. I get it. I understand your words more than I realize. Thank you for saying the same thing I would like to. You are more in tune than we realize, which can be nice because others who know this should respond and let you know you are not alone. You aren't. You are valued. Thank you.
Thank you Mark, so happy to put words to what you feel too!
We are all different in may ways. Which is good. Yet we feel so alone at being so different, that we find out, we are more alike than we realize. Which should help us get through things as a team, friends, or family.
Related to this so much -- especially "My brain gets confused about what values are mine and which were bestowed upon me." When I'm feeling guilty it can be so hard to get to the root of why I'm feeling that way. Did I do something that actually conflicts with my values, or just an arbitrary rule I've created for myself? Is it something that someone has told me I need to care about, and do I even believe that I need to care about that thing? Most of my guilt stems from the feeling that I'm not doing enough, which can feel like a never ending black hole at times.
god yes this is so it. "Is it something that someone has told me I need to care about, and do I even believe that I need to care about that thing?" - that's so real and if I really sat with that honestly and like ACTUALLY examined it, I feel like i might find some things that scare me! whichhhh probably means i should do it. Thank you for the inspiration, bella. I don't know you but I am pretty sure you are doing just enough <3 black hole be damned! sending love!!
haha!! real on the scaring myself!! thank u for your writing sending love right back!
I too try to say thank you instead of sorry. Can’t wait to read A Sharp Endless Need. I had the extreme pleasure of being in Mac’s Tin House cohort. Check out @aliciavbooks on Insta for more great queer recs!
thank you so much for the rec!! omg I started today and it's love at first 30 pages--and that's coming from someone who does not care about basketball at all, lol. Jealous you got to work with them!!
Wow this resonated so much. I also seem to constantly experience a low-level simmering of guilt. The best coping strategy I've developed is to sort of go through a checklist in my mind and reassure myself about each item. e.g. Nothing to feel guilty with related to my friends, nothing to feel guilty with related to my job, etc. etc. Sometimes I realize I'm feeling guilt for no reason, and other times I'll identify what's causing the emotion and can either solve it or try to get myself to realize it's not something I should feel guilt about. I was raised Catholic too, but I've always thought there's got to be more to it than that. I wish I could identify where it came from bc it's freaking exhausting!
omg yes! your approach is so charmingly logical lol. You're onto something tho because I think the way out is usually to notice it, then pause and be present with it--either logically challenging it or getting curious about the emotion and riding the wave. But that requires the pause, the presence. And that's what's difficult for me to apply sometimes, probably because, as you say, it is exhausting. Sending love, Caroline, ty for sharing <3
<3 here for every time either of us catch ourself saying 'sorry for venting'
it's simply not allowed <3