ugh yes i think about this alllll the time. i don't think i'm anyone's one that got away? i didn't date a bunch before reed (or like, at all? really?) and so there isn't any ex that could feasibly be pining over me out there. and i wish there was! i genuinely complain to reed about this all the time -- he has a few exes and is also very charming, so there are probably like ten people pining over him at any given moment! and where am i! just sitting over here, getting hit on in hot yoga by the man who doesn't wash his towel in between classes. literally tragic.
so just like those people at the demise of twitter, i'll unashamedly say it: IF YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME. PLEASE TELL ME! i will probably not return the feeling but i will hold that compliment SO close to my heart <3
The desire to have someone pining over us is a thing of the ego… what if we just pine over ourselves? If we give ourselves the thing we desire, perhaps the anxiety, the need for affirmation from strangers, and people pleasing would disappear.
i think i could be someone’s one that got away… in the future. one version of me wants him to be the one, and another version of me knows that we have too much history and he missed his chance and logistically our lives don’t line up, and won’t, for at least four years. but if he isn’t the one, he will probably be the one that got away, and i could see myself filling that role for him. it seems kind of like a waste though. i love the idea of it but i hate the execution. i’d rather it be simple and easy and uncomplicated. i’d rather everyone be happy. but i did love one day, and normal people, so i guess i do have some fascination with long winded (and ultimately doomed) love affairs (so long as they’re fictional). really enjoyed this piece!
Love this perspective and I think you're so so right. It's way more romantic in concept than in reality. It's so interesting that it sounds like you're at this point in life, or maybe the point is still to come, where there's a fork in the road--it could go one way or the other with him. You're both pre-one that got away! that moment feels so pivotal and powerful. Hoping that, now or later, it turns out the way you want it to <3
I really enjoyed this piece and it made me think about just how much time I spend worrying about others perspective of me. It’s something I’m currently working on and I’m reminding myself everyday that no matter what I do I cannot control other’s perspective and thoughts on me I have to let go of that and be ok with that. My yearning for wanting to be the one that got away comes from within. I have to remind myself that I do not not external validation to know that I am good enough. It’s a tough journey. ❤️
I am so with you on the tough journey <3 it feels like a waste of time to care so much what others think, but it's a reaallllllyyy hard habit to break. thank you for reading!
I've thought about this for such a long time, I find it even embarassing for myself. Why do I want someone's recognition that didn't give me it when we were together, for 4 years?!
But hey, I got out of that relationship and I deep in my heart I really do think that I was his "one that got away", not 100% sure, but knowing all the stuff we went through those years, how we discovered everything about each other, how we started drifting apart when long-distance became part of our lives, how we helped each other with every single problem we had. All for him not to show me respect, me finally taking a stand and ending it, and him figuring out that I really did enjoy our years.
Maybe I'm looking through rose colored glasses, but I know he regrets some things. I just gotta have them confirmed, but I can't lol
lolll i know right?? the fantasy is having the regrets confirmed. especially if he was actually disrespectful to you--he should regret that! sigh. sometimes imagining that people regret how they hurt us just has to be enough <3
congratulations on getting to 36k!! but i often think like this too and it helps to remember that even if no one is actively yearning from you, that will never take away from the fact that you still affected them. sending love <33
May I suggest a song? Good Luck Babe by Chappell Roan... who has made an appearance on Dear Diary before!!!!
As someone with a lot of situationships, I am constantly wondering if I'm still yearned for. It's a power that I think holds more weight than almost anything else, this idea of the one that got away. Fascinating.
Chappell looms LARGE!! I know the song ofc but will listen with an attentive ear, thank you <3 It's for sure about the power wayyy more than the person (it's usually not about the person whatsoever, for me at least). But it's one of those things that will always be better in fantasy than irl, and those things fascinate me too. Thanks for always reading, erika <3
Ohhhhhh did this hit a deep spot. I think this entire concept is something that has taken me a long while to sort through. For years I really did exist in a space of being “someone who got away”. But it was more like being kicked to side for a new edition and then my ex having buyers remorse. It took a long time to let go of wanting to “prove” my healing and growth, to really make it clear that “yes I got away and you’ll never have me again but I still want you to think about losing me all the time”. That desire was rooted in a place of ego. Thinking if I was never going to get a proper apology, the LEAST he could do is continually pine over the loss of me. Whew!!! This piece really resonated!! Thanks for sharing. 🕊️
LOVE you bringing in ego, because yes!! And thank you for sharing this story--it shows the darker side of being the one that got away, the version that is probably way more common and real than the romanticized one. Love to you, from another recovering good girl <3
Ok I LOVE this!! I feel this all the time in different ways! I literally always want someone to be pining over me because I’m always pining over someone and I don’t even mean romantically just in general.
It inspired this whole series I’ve been doing (“to all the friends I’ve loved before”) because I just always feel this longing for what was. The idea that someone could feel that about me in any way is intoxicating.
You’re probably right that it comes from a place of needing proof we’re good enough but i also just think there’s a romanticism to it. How amazing would it be to have been that powerful to someone? To have left a legacy by simply being ourselves??
Omg love that word "legacy" -- somehow reframes the whole thing as something a bit more, like, honorable, lol. I do have a tendency to make normal human feelings "problems" in my mind LOL so maybe you're right, it could be needing proof that we're good enough or it could just be something that makes us feel memorable and lovely. I actually think I also want people to pine for me in general, not just romantically, which I had never thought of. Thanks for bringing this perspective!!
I think about this every time I post or comment or speak--that void sure has an appetite. Also, thanks for 'going to the hardware store for milk', I'm going to say this all the time now haha
I’m someone’s one who got away. We were NSA lovers in my early twenties and had remained friends for 19yrs until he revealed that I’m his unicorn- he should have married me when he had the chance (I’ve been married for 10yrs)- letting me go is the greatest regret of his life. And it’s awful because he’s insanely hot and successful and a wizard in bed. A woman like me can’t have a man like that waiting in the wings; it would be like my husband having Margot Robbie ready to go at the drop of a hat. Him telling me that ruined our friendship. I had to break his heart so that he understands there’s no hope- told him I never loved him and would have said no. I’m living proof you can turn a ho into a housewife but I’ve never met a reformed fuckboi. Anyhow, it’s not a great feeling. Flattering but sad.
“I keep going to the hardware store for milk” is a cold hit.
My “one who got away” got a gig on a national tour for a famous musician. She left, moved away, never came back, got married, had a kid, got divorced, got married again and seems super happy. She’s still crazy hot, but what had to happen happened and I don’t linger on it. Until I saw this, I hadn’t thought about her in years.
ugh yes i think about this alllll the time. i don't think i'm anyone's one that got away? i didn't date a bunch before reed (or like, at all? really?) and so there isn't any ex that could feasibly be pining over me out there. and i wish there was! i genuinely complain to reed about this all the time -- he has a few exes and is also very charming, so there are probably like ten people pining over him at any given moment! and where am i! just sitting over here, getting hit on in hot yoga by the man who doesn't wash his towel in between classes. literally tragic.
so just like those people at the demise of twitter, i'll unashamedly say it: IF YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME. PLEASE TELL ME! i will probably not return the feeling but i will hold that compliment SO close to my heart <3
omg I feel like that's a different high in itself though...being with someone else's one that got away!! POWERFUL!
I have a crush on you too!!
it’s mutual!!!
The desire to have someone pining over us is a thing of the ego… what if we just pine over ourselves? If we give ourselves the thing we desire, perhaps the anxiety, the need for affirmation from strangers, and people pleasing would disappear.
i think i could be someone’s one that got away… in the future. one version of me wants him to be the one, and another version of me knows that we have too much history and he missed his chance and logistically our lives don’t line up, and won’t, for at least four years. but if he isn’t the one, he will probably be the one that got away, and i could see myself filling that role for him. it seems kind of like a waste though. i love the idea of it but i hate the execution. i’d rather it be simple and easy and uncomplicated. i’d rather everyone be happy. but i did love one day, and normal people, so i guess i do have some fascination with long winded (and ultimately doomed) love affairs (so long as they’re fictional). really enjoyed this piece!
Love this perspective and I think you're so so right. It's way more romantic in concept than in reality. It's so interesting that it sounds like you're at this point in life, or maybe the point is still to come, where there's a fork in the road--it could go one way or the other with him. You're both pre-one that got away! that moment feels so pivotal and powerful. Hoping that, now or later, it turns out the way you want it to <3
I really enjoyed this piece and it made me think about just how much time I spend worrying about others perspective of me. It’s something I’m currently working on and I’m reminding myself everyday that no matter what I do I cannot control other’s perspective and thoughts on me I have to let go of that and be ok with that. My yearning for wanting to be the one that got away comes from within. I have to remind myself that I do not not external validation to know that I am good enough. It’s a tough journey. ❤️
I am so with you on the tough journey <3 it feels like a waste of time to care so much what others think, but it's a reaallllllyyy hard habit to break. thank you for reading!
I've thought about this for such a long time, I find it even embarassing for myself. Why do I want someone's recognition that didn't give me it when we were together, for 4 years?!
But hey, I got out of that relationship and I deep in my heart I really do think that I was his "one that got away", not 100% sure, but knowing all the stuff we went through those years, how we discovered everything about each other, how we started drifting apart when long-distance became part of our lives, how we helped each other with every single problem we had. All for him not to show me respect, me finally taking a stand and ending it, and him figuring out that I really did enjoy our years.
Maybe I'm looking through rose colored glasses, but I know he regrets some things. I just gotta have them confirmed, but I can't lol
lolll i know right?? the fantasy is having the regrets confirmed. especially if he was actually disrespectful to you--he should regret that! sigh. sometimes imagining that people regret how they hurt us just has to be enough <3
“sometimes imagining that people regret how they hurt us just has to be enough <3” THIS SHOULD BE ON A T-SHIRT!
I enjoyed reading this immensely. Your writing feels like the voice in my head, if that makes sense.
I'm deeply relieved to hear that other people's head-voices sound like this, lol <3 thank you so much!!
congratulations on getting to 36k!! but i often think like this too and it helps to remember that even if no one is actively yearning from you, that will never take away from the fact that you still affected them. sending love <33
love this, thank you <33
May I suggest a song? Good Luck Babe by Chappell Roan... who has made an appearance on Dear Diary before!!!!
As someone with a lot of situationships, I am constantly wondering if I'm still yearned for. It's a power that I think holds more weight than almost anything else, this idea of the one that got away. Fascinating.
Chappell looms LARGE!! I know the song ofc but will listen with an attentive ear, thank you <3 It's for sure about the power wayyy more than the person (it's usually not about the person whatsoever, for me at least). But it's one of those things that will always be better in fantasy than irl, and those things fascinate me too. Thanks for always reading, erika <3
Ohhhhhh did this hit a deep spot. I think this entire concept is something that has taken me a long while to sort through. For years I really did exist in a space of being “someone who got away”. But it was more like being kicked to side for a new edition and then my ex having buyers remorse. It took a long time to let go of wanting to “prove” my healing and growth, to really make it clear that “yes I got away and you’ll never have me again but I still want you to think about losing me all the time”. That desire was rooted in a place of ego. Thinking if I was never going to get a proper apology, the LEAST he could do is continually pine over the loss of me. Whew!!! This piece really resonated!! Thanks for sharing. 🕊️
LOVE you bringing in ego, because yes!! And thank you for sharing this story--it shows the darker side of being the one that got away, the version that is probably way more common and real than the romanticized one. Love to you, from another recovering good girl <3
Ok I LOVE this!! I feel this all the time in different ways! I literally always want someone to be pining over me because I’m always pining over someone and I don’t even mean romantically just in general.
It inspired this whole series I’ve been doing (“to all the friends I’ve loved before”) because I just always feel this longing for what was. The idea that someone could feel that about me in any way is intoxicating.
You’re probably right that it comes from a place of needing proof we’re good enough but i also just think there’s a romanticism to it. How amazing would it be to have been that powerful to someone? To have left a legacy by simply being ourselves??
Omg love that word "legacy" -- somehow reframes the whole thing as something a bit more, like, honorable, lol. I do have a tendency to make normal human feelings "problems" in my mind LOL so maybe you're right, it could be needing proof that we're good enough or it could just be something that makes us feel memorable and lovely. I actually think I also want people to pine for me in general, not just romantically, which I had never thought of. Thanks for bringing this perspective!!
Right?! It is honorable! At least in my head 🤣
I'm right there with you, I can create a problem out of nothing so I totally get that side of things too!
I think about this every time I post or comment or speak--that void sure has an appetite. Also, thanks for 'going to the hardware store for milk', I'm going to say this all the time now haha
lmaoooo that void is HUNGRY! I'm so happy to pass the phrase along to you--it was very powerful when I first heard it too <3
I have a crush on you 💘 but I feel like it’s mutual so maybe that doesn’t count 😘😘
It's mutual and it COUNTS!! <33
I’m someone’s one who got away. We were NSA lovers in my early twenties and had remained friends for 19yrs until he revealed that I’m his unicorn- he should have married me when he had the chance (I’ve been married for 10yrs)- letting me go is the greatest regret of his life. And it’s awful because he’s insanely hot and successful and a wizard in bed. A woman like me can’t have a man like that waiting in the wings; it would be like my husband having Margot Robbie ready to go at the drop of a hat. Him telling me that ruined our friendship. I had to break his heart so that he understands there’s no hope- told him I never loved him and would have said no. I’m living proof you can turn a ho into a housewife but I’ve never met a reformed fuckboi. Anyhow, it’s not a great feeling. Flattering but sad.
How old are yall? You might wanna look into a new man girl 💀💀
“I keep going to the hardware store for milk” is a cold hit.
My “one who got away” got a gig on a national tour for a famous musician. She left, moved away, never came back, got married, had a kid, got divorced, got married again and seems super happy. She’s still crazy hot, but what had to happen happened and I don’t linger on it. Until I saw this, I hadn’t thought about her in years.
I’m neurospicy, so my results are not typical.
It's hard to have a "one that got away" because most people are interchangeable. welcome to capitalism.