Oh this is so good! It made me cry too. As a fellow diary keeper from the day I learned how to hold a pen, I appreciate how you’ve opened up this window into your world as a hs kid. I grew up dealing with alcohol too (I’ve been sober a few years now) and every word you wrote about your relationship to alcohol felt like a salve on my heart, bc there’s a lot of truth and honesty in your writing. Your line: “but idk I do such a great job unconvincing myself of all good things” yes! My inner self critic can be harsh to this day. I agree that this kid in the journal is pretty much tough as nails, and her resilience is her super strength. Funny that as I was reading your hs story, I thought to myself: oh I wish I could tell this young girl that life will be okay? I love your last line: “I wish I could go back in time and tell her.” It’s so important to have kindness and compassion for our pasts. Your footnotes a ton of heart and love for your childhood self. Past is never the past as they say; as hs kid your gift for writing shines like a light in the dark.
talk about a light in the dark!! your comments always, truly, feel like such a gift. It's weird looking back on journals, isn't it? The complexity of feeling. It's so intense. Thank you for bearing witness and, even more meaningfully, understanding <3
OMG I love this so much. My friend kept really consitent diaries and sometimes we read entries from when we were teenagers. The way we talked was so intense and silly, and honestly sometimes terrifying how matter of fact when broaching huuuuuge moments in time. Like, 'yeah Mum left because whatever and dad just isn't there anyway so it's great that I can drink in peace'. It's great that you can feel healed enough to share and see the light in the entries from that time. Such a lot happens in those ages let alone when really big stuff is genuinely happening in the adult world around you too. Sending time-ravel hugs to that parking lot girl x
Yes!!! The things I made a big deal about are often the smallest, most normal "growing up" moments, compared to the massively dark traumatic things that I wrote like two sentences about lol. It's interesting that you and your friend share the same experience. I guess a lot of those dark things just felt normal to us at the time, and only after we grew up did we realize that they weren't. Thank you for reading, and I'm really moved by the time-travel hugs--truly, thank you. she feels them <3
I just read this and wow I’m obsessed. I could literally imagine how you were feeling, the setting of being up late in your bedroom procrastinating but somehow feeling like you have all the time in the world. And I screamed when you said J ended up being gay, as a fellow girl whose prom date and 2 exes have later come out lol so i guess we shared the same type 😂
"Procrastinating but somehow feeling like you have all the time in the world" -- YES that perfectly describes my high school nights!! Thank you for that! and omfg that's so funny about your prom dates and exes....my crush before J also came out a few years later! And then I ended up marrying someone nonbinary haha, just a heads up in case you are still looking for love...you might find it in that direction lollll!
[crying emoji if i wasn't on desktop] THANK YOU, I love you, and I definitely did read The Awakening and then reread it like 10 years later, lol! Also, dusk and summer forever makes me think of you now <3
oh my gosh you're so welcome!! this is from my actual irl journal, but I'm a massive memory keeper and I somehow had the foresight to also print out my middle school xanga and high school livejournal, lol--which is amazing because I'm now locked out of them both. So fun (and dark and weird and tender and sweet) to read back on them!! i would adore a peek into yours if you had them and they felt comfy to share. thank you for reading <33
Oh this is so good! It made me cry too. As a fellow diary keeper from the day I learned how to hold a pen, I appreciate how you’ve opened up this window into your world as a hs kid. I grew up dealing with alcohol too (I’ve been sober a few years now) and every word you wrote about your relationship to alcohol felt like a salve on my heart, bc there’s a lot of truth and honesty in your writing. Your line: “but idk I do such a great job unconvincing myself of all good things” yes! My inner self critic can be harsh to this day. I agree that this kid in the journal is pretty much tough as nails, and her resilience is her super strength. Funny that as I was reading your hs story, I thought to myself: oh I wish I could tell this young girl that life will be okay? I love your last line: “I wish I could go back in time and tell her.” It’s so important to have kindness and compassion for our pasts. Your footnotes a ton of heart and love for your childhood self. Past is never the past as they say; as hs kid your gift for writing shines like a light in the dark.
talk about a light in the dark!! your comments always, truly, feel like such a gift. It's weird looking back on journals, isn't it? The complexity of feeling. It's so intense. Thank you for bearing witness and, even more meaningfully, understanding <3
OMG I love this so much. My friend kept really consitent diaries and sometimes we read entries from when we were teenagers. The way we talked was so intense and silly, and honestly sometimes terrifying how matter of fact when broaching huuuuuge moments in time. Like, 'yeah Mum left because whatever and dad just isn't there anyway so it's great that I can drink in peace'. It's great that you can feel healed enough to share and see the light in the entries from that time. Such a lot happens in those ages let alone when really big stuff is genuinely happening in the adult world around you too. Sending time-ravel hugs to that parking lot girl x
Yes!!! The things I made a big deal about are often the smallest, most normal "growing up" moments, compared to the massively dark traumatic things that I wrote like two sentences about lol. It's interesting that you and your friend share the same experience. I guess a lot of those dark things just felt normal to us at the time, and only after we grew up did we realize that they weren't. Thank you for reading, and I'm really moved by the time-travel hugs--truly, thank you. she feels them <3
I just read this and wow I’m obsessed. I could literally imagine how you were feeling, the setting of being up late in your bedroom procrastinating but somehow feeling like you have all the time in the world. And I screamed when you said J ended up being gay, as a fellow girl whose prom date and 2 exes have later come out lol so i guess we shared the same type 😂
"Procrastinating but somehow feeling like you have all the time in the world" -- YES that perfectly describes my high school nights!! Thank you for that! and omfg that's so funny about your prom dates and exes....my crush before J also came out a few years later! And then I ended up marrying someone nonbinary haha, just a heads up in case you are still looking for love...you might find it in that direction lollll!
Also SHOUTOUT DUSK AND SUMMER
I'm going to be mad at you if you didn't read The Awakening. But for real, that Jan 22 entry.... oof. Love that girl, love you.
[crying emoji if i wasn't on desktop] THANK YOU, I love you, and I definitely did read The Awakening and then reread it like 10 years later, lol! Also, dusk and summer forever makes me think of you now <3
Thank you for bringing me back to my online journal days
oh my gosh you're so welcome!! this is from my actual irl journal, but I'm a massive memory keeper and I somehow had the foresight to also print out my middle school xanga and high school livejournal, lol--which is amazing because I'm now locked out of them both. So fun (and dark and weird and tender and sweet) to read back on them!! i would adore a peek into yours if you had them and they felt comfy to share. thank you for reading <33