I feel similarly! I believe in a God, in a divine hand in the universe, but I'm not exactly sure what that means or looks like, so sometimes I pray, but I think it's just as likely those prayers will go unanswered and unfulfilled because sometimes I myself don't know what's best for me. Some of my unanswered prayers have ended up being the absolute best things for me.
I really love this kind of mental/spiritual reflection, Lindsey. I also pray to a god of mystery -- what I have recently started calling, after hearing someone else use this phrase, "Gus" (God, Universe, Source) -- and I also struggle with prayer since, being forced to pray as a child and essentially faking it then, now, as an adult, my prayer can seem somewhat awkward and superficial. I don't want it to be, though. I feel you on the need to find some higher purpose and meaning beyond what ego tells us and wants us to believe.
My view of ego is that it is a kind of built-in, body-based mechanism designed primarily to keep us out of danger and, like you're talking about, aware of potential threats. One practice that has really helped me over time is a kind of daily surrendering to Gus where I essentially re-declare my faith each morning and often throughout my days -- the idea that I believe in the fundamental truth that I am on a path of progress, and that I recognize that difficult things are laid in my path for me to learn from (kind of similar to what you're saying about the Great Natural Unfolding -- love that phrase, by the way). Because of this surrender aspect, my prayer has become more like a conversation. I don't feel the need to close my eyes or get down on my knees. Some days, I'm just like, well Gus, this fucking blows, man, but I trust that you know what you're doing. That sense of trust is the only kind of faith I'm aware of. And so I'm not sure prayer in the conventional sense is right for me. It is more like an open talk with the source of all this beauty and all this bullshit. Thanks again for you work. It is eye-opening for me every time.
can i recommend a physical thesaurus? it does impact a certain kind of immediacy that happens when you toggle quickly between doc and browser, but im always looking to be reminded of words i know and sometimes something totally unrelated catches your eye and unearths another thing in your brain. i do it cuz im using the compose mode in scrivener but i really appreciate it.
I feel similarly! I believe in a God, in a divine hand in the universe, but I'm not exactly sure what that means or looks like, so sometimes I pray, but I think it's just as likely those prayers will go unanswered and unfulfilled because sometimes I myself don't know what's best for me. Some of my unanswered prayers have ended up being the absolute best things for me.
I really love this kind of mental/spiritual reflection, Lindsey. I also pray to a god of mystery -- what I have recently started calling, after hearing someone else use this phrase, "Gus" (God, Universe, Source) -- and I also struggle with prayer since, being forced to pray as a child and essentially faking it then, now, as an adult, my prayer can seem somewhat awkward and superficial. I don't want it to be, though. I feel you on the need to find some higher purpose and meaning beyond what ego tells us and wants us to believe.
My view of ego is that it is a kind of built-in, body-based mechanism designed primarily to keep us out of danger and, like you're talking about, aware of potential threats. One practice that has really helped me over time is a kind of daily surrendering to Gus where I essentially re-declare my faith each morning and often throughout my days -- the idea that I believe in the fundamental truth that I am on a path of progress, and that I recognize that difficult things are laid in my path for me to learn from (kind of similar to what you're saying about the Great Natural Unfolding -- love that phrase, by the way). Because of this surrender aspect, my prayer has become more like a conversation. I don't feel the need to close my eyes or get down on my knees. Some days, I'm just like, well Gus, this fucking blows, man, but I trust that you know what you're doing. That sense of trust is the only kind of faith I'm aware of. And so I'm not sure prayer in the conventional sense is right for me. It is more like an open talk with the source of all this beauty and all this bullshit. Thanks again for you work. It is eye-opening for me every time.
can i recommend a physical thesaurus? it does impact a certain kind of immediacy that happens when you toggle quickly between doc and browser, but im always looking to be reminded of words i know and sometimes something totally unrelated catches your eye and unearths another thing in your brain. i do it cuz im using the compose mode in scrivener but i really appreciate it.
succint, gorgeous, revelatory. word hippo 4ever