I like this post and feel like the same-ish thoughts have been swimming around my brain for a while.
I think it’s totally normal to feel powerful when seen as attractive and want to be desired. Sexual attraction is the currency of women’s power in a patriarchy. It’s similar to a guy wishing he was richer/higher status. I don’t think being (even a little) power hungry is a bad thing! Why should we let geriatric white guys hoard it all??
I also think the sex-negative/emphasis on modesty is another way religion keeps women from claiming their power, which would be dangerous to the church’s own power over them (and the patriarchal system it is in a symbiotic relationship with).
I also totally relate to the suddenly-caring-about it in your thirties, though. Because now this thing we may not have taken full advantage of (esp because of a LTR spanning more than a decade, and crippling my low self-esteem) is slipping away, and we’re like “wait! Come back! I’m just realizing I have this currency! Is it still legal tender? When does it expire? In 5 years?! Shit!!!”
Anyway, TLDR: I relate and wish it wasn’t a “hot take” for women to be like…I like feeing powerful…?!?? But I totally get why it is!
"Sexual attraction is the currency of women’s power in a patriarchy." -- YES this is a great point! and the church, having realized this, makes every attempt to squash it to keep women out of power...yes. thank you for making those connections.
i'm also grateful to hear i'm not alone with this sudden shift. i totally did not realize i had the currency of youth because i just had always had it...i didn't know anything different, and it certainly didn't feel powerful at the time. and i feel unclear about when/if i had the currency of beauty bc yeah idk i was just focused on my LTR and not really presenting myself as a sexual option for anyone else (and not noticing if they were viewing me that way). And now i'm in a monogamous marriage and im not interested in opening it up, while at the same time im also like will i just never feel hot to an outside person again?? how important is it to me to feel that way?
i ended this entry with a "conclusion" that the fantasy i have of being desired by others is mostly just a fantasy of feeling liberated, but to your point about it being sad that it's a "hot take" for a woman to admit to liking feeling powerful: i still stand by my conclusion, but i also had a small voice wondering if i was tempering/simplifying my feelings. an online diary is different bc i know people will read it and have an opinion about me thru that. and a woman concluding that "actually it's just about inner liberation <3" is more palatable than being like "yeah idk sexual attraction is the currency of power for women in a patriarchy and that is fucked up and also, it is just fun to feel hot and powerful sometimes." i think both are true. so now if anyone else reads this comment they can have a 'choose your own adventure' conclusion to the piece lol.
thank you for reading, commenting, and allowing me to go deeper <3
Desirability is indeed dangerous ... love is dangerous ... interpersonal relationships are dangerous ... Indeed, any genuinely human interaction is dangerous, because loving and/or being loved opens up the possibility of having what you love taken from you or smashed to pieces. The only way to avoid the danger is to dehumanize oneself by remaining entirely encased within a digital pseudo-reality.
“this whoever-human is of course allured by my casual beauty and general vibe, but also, amazingly, they think i’m like such a good writer” YES THIS THING whattttt is this and why do i also feel this way
lolll <3 i think we just deeply care about and want to be "seen" for our writing, so much so that our minds/bodies translate it to something sexual. like the writing feels more representative of our "self" than even our physical form. that's my working theory... !!
omg no no i think we were too! i thought we were like extrapolating on each other's ideas! lol this miscommunication may be because i've dramatically reduced my caffeine intake and my brain is still catching up <3 totally hear and agree with you!
I like this post and feel like the same-ish thoughts have been swimming around my brain for a while.
I think it’s totally normal to feel powerful when seen as attractive and want to be desired. Sexual attraction is the currency of women’s power in a patriarchy. It’s similar to a guy wishing he was richer/higher status. I don’t think being (even a little) power hungry is a bad thing! Why should we let geriatric white guys hoard it all??
I also think the sex-negative/emphasis on modesty is another way religion keeps women from claiming their power, which would be dangerous to the church’s own power over them (and the patriarchal system it is in a symbiotic relationship with).
I also totally relate to the suddenly-caring-about it in your thirties, though. Because now this thing we may not have taken full advantage of (esp because of a LTR spanning more than a decade, and crippling my low self-esteem) is slipping away, and we’re like “wait! Come back! I’m just realizing I have this currency! Is it still legal tender? When does it expire? In 5 years?! Shit!!!”
Anyway, TLDR: I relate and wish it wasn’t a “hot take” for women to be like…I like feeing powerful…?!?? But I totally get why it is!
"Sexual attraction is the currency of women’s power in a patriarchy." -- YES this is a great point! and the church, having realized this, makes every attempt to squash it to keep women out of power...yes. thank you for making those connections.
i'm also grateful to hear i'm not alone with this sudden shift. i totally did not realize i had the currency of youth because i just had always had it...i didn't know anything different, and it certainly didn't feel powerful at the time. and i feel unclear about when/if i had the currency of beauty bc yeah idk i was just focused on my LTR and not really presenting myself as a sexual option for anyone else (and not noticing if they were viewing me that way). And now i'm in a monogamous marriage and im not interested in opening it up, while at the same time im also like will i just never feel hot to an outside person again?? how important is it to me to feel that way?
i ended this entry with a "conclusion" that the fantasy i have of being desired by others is mostly just a fantasy of feeling liberated, but to your point about it being sad that it's a "hot take" for a woman to admit to liking feeling powerful: i still stand by my conclusion, but i also had a small voice wondering if i was tempering/simplifying my feelings. an online diary is different bc i know people will read it and have an opinion about me thru that. and a woman concluding that "actually it's just about inner liberation <3" is more palatable than being like "yeah idk sexual attraction is the currency of power for women in a patriarchy and that is fucked up and also, it is just fun to feel hot and powerful sometimes." i think both are true. so now if anyone else reads this comment they can have a 'choose your own adventure' conclusion to the piece lol.
thank you for reading, commenting, and allowing me to go deeper <3
Desirability is indeed dangerous ... love is dangerous ... interpersonal relationships are dangerous ... Indeed, any genuinely human interaction is dangerous, because loving and/or being loved opens up the possibility of having what you love taken from you or smashed to pieces. The only way to avoid the danger is to dehumanize oneself by remaining entirely encased within a digital pseudo-reality.
“this whoever-human is of course allured by my casual beauty and general vibe, but also, amazingly, they think i’m like such a good writer” YES THIS THING whattttt is this and why do i also feel this way
lolll <3 i think we just deeply care about and want to be "seen" for our writing, so much so that our minds/bodies translate it to something sexual. like the writing feels more representative of our "self" than even our physical form. that's my working theory... !!
Yeah, I thought we were in agreement 😂 sorry if it came across as combative. But I think feeing liberated = embracing your power!
Edit: the “sad” was referencing sad that it HAS TO BE a hot take. Not sad as in “your thinking is sad”….hope that clarifies
omg no no i think we were too! i thought we were like extrapolating on each other's ideas! lol this miscommunication may be because i've dramatically reduced my caffeine intake and my brain is still catching up <3 totally hear and agree with you!
Somehow your substack already has such a distinct personality— this is such a smart and honest take. *hurl* but for real. Love ya hottie
<333 love you