Ok are you me?! I seriously felt this TO MY CORE. I live in an area with a ton of colleges too and the other week I drove through and just thought, “they all look so YOUNG.”
I’m mid thirties and in some weird ironic (?) twist I feel younger than I ever have and I think I can also pull of moderately young looking still, but then I saw these 18-20 year olds and I was just so hit with the realization that we aren’t the same and it felt…not good or bad just SOBERING
Anyway I’ve also been trying to decide if I should pick up I’m a Fan so I’m curious what you think! Your book sounds awesome based off what you said here though, and sharing with beta readers and writing friends really is the best feeling!! 🥰
not good or bad, just sobering--that's it!! I so appreciate you getting it. It's not about wanting to be their age, it's just the stark reality of *not* being their age, never being their age ever again. I am honestly not surprised you feel the youngest you've ever been. I think that happens to women as we get more confident and clearer on what we want. there's a lot to look forward to <3 and omg thank you so much re: my book!! I've loved your posts on your novel/revision process too. Really nice to connect with people who are on a similar journey!
yes! I loved when you said about realizing that even if you wanted to, you couldn't go back. It's such a weird feeling. But you're right about the confidence thing —I look back at 20-something me and just want to hug her and be like "STOP FOCUSING ON THIS STUPID BOY AND MEASURING YOUR CEREAL AND START FOCUSING ON THIS OTHER THING YOU LOVE!"
ahhh thank you!!! Yes I feel the same way, this journey can feel so isolating and maddening so much of the time, it's great to connect with others who get it!
I swear I'm not stalking you (but then, do stalkers ever admit that's what they're doing?), but the titles of your essays always reach out and grab me. You seem pretty sure that ovulation will result in pregnancy and the end of your youth; I don't know anything about your chances at pregnancy, but I can assure you that your youth is not in jeopardy. I mean yes, teenagers don't generally regard me as a peer (although you'd be surprised at how open-minded about that they can be on a basketball court or a chess team, for example), but whole new vistas of people who are "young" come into view. Things are going to get better.
That was good. I have found at where I work there are two groups, the young crowd and the older crowd. The young group are in school it just finishing up trying to figure out what they want to do. The older crowd are looking to find what they want to do with there time off retirement. I don't feel young and I don't feel old. I just do what I do and try to enjoy it as best I can.
I don’t know if this helps but having a child made me less worried about ageing... I can be self-critical but don’t associate beauty so much with looking young or unchanged. I suppose birth is such a matter of fact thing that it can bring acceptance - for whatever reason I see bodies differently, more realistically. And go to gigs at any age if you want to, nobody cares, they’re there for the music!
I love this perspective, thank you!! You're so right, it's odd that we associate beauty with looking young/unchanged. I'm trying to internally readjust that very limited understanding of it. Very cool that having a child has made you worry about aging less!! Love to hear that <3
Those heart tights.... would've died to be ur friend <3. ALSO, I thought about this CONSTANTLY when I was working every day on campus at USC/UCLA. Years go by and the kids stay the same age while you... don't lol. It's very, very weird! Can't wait to see you transform into a college town MILF
thank YOU for your support and luv <3 yes totally, it's this weird suspension of time happening to everyone except you, lol. STRANGE! but yes thank you, looking forward to my milfhood!!
So well said!! I manage my company’s intern program and all summer I’m struck by how young they are — babies!!! — and yet at 32, more than a decade older than most of them, I don’t believe I’m actually that much older. Aging is crazy
right?? I don't feel that much older either!! Which is horrifying bc I'm like omg, I'm blind to what college kids can all see--that I am old and uncool, lol. Which makes aging just feel like..embarrassing. even though we are all (if we're lucky) doing it. sighhhhh aging IS crazy hahah, thank you for your thoughts!!
The heart shaped garter tights: I had the exact same pair! Oh how I loved to wear patterned tights in college, and I even met a few friends based on my stocking styles who I still keep in touch with to this day. Rn I still get offered the youth pass on transit (idk why since I’ve been through a lot; life experience, I guess? but I think maybe people have an inner spirit that shines through?) somehow I still fret over the day when I don’t get carded. The sense of finality, of not being able to go back, that is hard for me to process too. But I don’t think you have to worry too much about looking old (easier said than done, bc I worry about it all of the time.) If your interior self stays curious, kind, and open to world, ppl see that youthfulness. Your title reminds me of the older guy character played by Mathew McConahey in dazed and confused lol. I love reading about your writing and sharing process in the novel. The abridged serenity prayer, lmao. Thank you for making me laugh at the strangeness of age.
LOL ok those tights were so good!! hahahaa. Oh I soooo feel you on the youth pass panic! It's kind of like when people dont ask for my ID when I order a drink. Like, I know I don't look younger than 21 years old lol but there is something alarming about like, oh god, it is OBVIOUS that I am older than 21 years old (but also--it should be! would be concerning if it wasn't!!). I think you're definitely right about an inner, youthful spirit shining through. I adore older women who embody a young energy. That'll be us one day! and omg yes I was doing a play on that dazed and confused line, haha! thanks so much for your thoughts <3
When I was 23 I lived in Westwood and my friend Jen and me would go to dollar beer night every Tuesday with all the college kids and guys always made fun of me for wearing leggings and my friend wore tinsel in her hair and we stuck out like sore thumbs but it was also really fun to not have to go home and like write research papers or study for calculus or whatever
All the Fashion Girls are doing it!! I think I still have the zebra dress! And def still have the famous (to me) F21 romper--remember when I got a romper sunburn?
I’ve never related more dude, I had the same exact experience at a concert and it really stuck with me! Now I am a literal mom so there’s that to contend with even more. It’s an interesting place to be, the realization made me balk at first but I’ve come to embrace it (aging, being out of touch, being different idk) more and more. Glad I’m not the only one!
omg! I am so curious, if you don't mind sharing--do you feel like being a mom has changed your perception of your own desirability? that's like a really intimate question so feel free to ignore or DM me instead lolll...i just am wondering if I will equate motherhood with a loss of external appeal or if I won't, or if motherhood will make me care less about all that entirely. Like maybe the irreversibility of aging starts to matter less when you're just like, welp, i'm here, so it is what it is, haha. thank you for your thoughts!
Ok are you me?! I seriously felt this TO MY CORE. I live in an area with a ton of colleges too and the other week I drove through and just thought, “they all look so YOUNG.”
I’m mid thirties and in some weird ironic (?) twist I feel younger than I ever have and I think I can also pull of moderately young looking still, but then I saw these 18-20 year olds and I was just so hit with the realization that we aren’t the same and it felt…not good or bad just SOBERING
Anyway I’ve also been trying to decide if I should pick up I’m a Fan so I’m curious what you think! Your book sounds awesome based off what you said here though, and sharing with beta readers and writing friends really is the best feeling!! 🥰
not good or bad, just sobering--that's it!! I so appreciate you getting it. It's not about wanting to be their age, it's just the stark reality of *not* being their age, never being their age ever again. I am honestly not surprised you feel the youngest you've ever been. I think that happens to women as we get more confident and clearer on what we want. there's a lot to look forward to <3 and omg thank you so much re: my book!! I've loved your posts on your novel/revision process too. Really nice to connect with people who are on a similar journey!
yes! I loved when you said about realizing that even if you wanted to, you couldn't go back. It's such a weird feeling. But you're right about the confidence thing —I look back at 20-something me and just want to hug her and be like "STOP FOCUSING ON THIS STUPID BOY AND MEASURING YOUR CEREAL AND START FOCUSING ON THIS OTHER THING YOU LOVE!"
ahhh thank you!!! Yes I feel the same way, this journey can feel so isolating and maddening so much of the time, it's great to connect with others who get it!
I swear I'm not stalking you (but then, do stalkers ever admit that's what they're doing?), but the titles of your essays always reach out and grab me. You seem pretty sure that ovulation will result in pregnancy and the end of your youth; I don't know anything about your chances at pregnancy, but I can assure you that your youth is not in jeopardy. I mean yes, teenagers don't generally regard me as a peer (although you'd be surprised at how open-minded about that they can be on a basketball court or a chess team, for example), but whole new vistas of people who are "young" come into view. Things are going to get better.
That was good. I have found at where I work there are two groups, the young crowd and the older crowd. The young group are in school it just finishing up trying to figure out what they want to do. The older crowd are looking to find what they want to do with there time off retirement. I don't feel young and I don't feel old. I just do what I do and try to enjoy it as best I can.
I think that's all we can do!!
Thank you for this 😭 my mind is on a constant hamster wheel of trying to pass for 24. I never matured past the year 2017.
I feel like 2017 was two years ago lol :')
I don’t know if this helps but having a child made me less worried about ageing... I can be self-critical but don’t associate beauty so much with looking young or unchanged. I suppose birth is such a matter of fact thing that it can bring acceptance - for whatever reason I see bodies differently, more realistically. And go to gigs at any age if you want to, nobody cares, they’re there for the music!
I love this perspective, thank you!! You're so right, it's odd that we associate beauty with looking young/unchanged. I'm trying to internally readjust that very limited understanding of it. Very cool that having a child has made you worry about aging less!! Love to hear that <3
Those heart tights.... would've died to be ur friend <3. ALSO, I thought about this CONSTANTLY when I was working every day on campus at USC/UCLA. Years go by and the kids stay the same age while you... don't lol. It's very, very weird! Can't wait to see you transform into a college town MILF
Thanks for the shoutout BB
thank YOU for your support and luv <3 yes totally, it's this weird suspension of time happening to everyone except you, lol. STRANGE! but yes thank you, looking forward to my milfhood!!
So well said!! I manage my company’s intern program and all summer I’m struck by how young they are — babies!!! — and yet at 32, more than a decade older than most of them, I don’t believe I’m actually that much older. Aging is crazy
right?? I don't feel that much older either!! Which is horrifying bc I'm like omg, I'm blind to what college kids can all see--that I am old and uncool, lol. Which makes aging just feel like..embarrassing. even though we are all (if we're lucky) doing it. sighhhhh aging IS crazy hahah, thank you for your thoughts!!
The heart shaped garter tights: I had the exact same pair! Oh how I loved to wear patterned tights in college, and I even met a few friends based on my stocking styles who I still keep in touch with to this day. Rn I still get offered the youth pass on transit (idk why since I’ve been through a lot; life experience, I guess? but I think maybe people have an inner spirit that shines through?) somehow I still fret over the day when I don’t get carded. The sense of finality, of not being able to go back, that is hard for me to process too. But I don’t think you have to worry too much about looking old (easier said than done, bc I worry about it all of the time.) If your interior self stays curious, kind, and open to world, ppl see that youthfulness. Your title reminds me of the older guy character played by Mathew McConahey in dazed and confused lol. I love reading about your writing and sharing process in the novel. The abridged serenity prayer, lmao. Thank you for making me laugh at the strangeness of age.
LOL ok those tights were so good!! hahahaa. Oh I soooo feel you on the youth pass panic! It's kind of like when people dont ask for my ID when I order a drink. Like, I know I don't look younger than 21 years old lol but there is something alarming about like, oh god, it is OBVIOUS that I am older than 21 years old (but also--it should be! would be concerning if it wasn't!!). I think you're definitely right about an inner, youthful spirit shining through. I adore older women who embody a young energy. That'll be us one day! and omg yes I was doing a play on that dazed and confused line, haha! thanks so much for your thoughts <3
When I was 23 I lived in Westwood and my friend Jen and me would go to dollar beer night every Tuesday with all the college kids and guys always made fun of me for wearing leggings and my friend wore tinsel in her hair and we stuck out like sore thumbs but it was also really fun to not have to go home and like write research papers or study for calculus or whatever
see that is SICK that you stuck out like sore thumbs as 23 year olds!!! There's really no hope for us thirty-something hags!
Dig up those outfits and go out - the internet told me that Indie Sleaze is back!
All the Fashion Girls are doing it!! I think I still have the zebra dress! And def still have the famous (to me) F21 romper--remember when I got a romper sunburn?
I’ve never related more dude, I had the same exact experience at a concert and it really stuck with me! Now I am a literal mom so there’s that to contend with even more. It’s an interesting place to be, the realization made me balk at first but I’ve come to embrace it (aging, being out of touch, being different idk) more and more. Glad I’m not the only one!
omg! I am so curious, if you don't mind sharing--do you feel like being a mom has changed your perception of your own desirability? that's like a really intimate question so feel free to ignore or DM me instead lolll...i just am wondering if I will equate motherhood with a loss of external appeal or if I won't, or if motherhood will make me care less about all that entirely. Like maybe the irreversibility of aging starts to matter less when you're just like, welp, i'm here, so it is what it is, haha. thank you for your thoughts!